Circa 2002: The Standard Hotel, Rooftop Bar, DTLA.
It was the afterparty for the Ghost Ship premiere. It was a huge event. There was a rock band with a professional concert stage, media equipment, photographers, entertainment reporters, and private security. Over 500 invitations were sent out. More than 300 people RSVP’d that they were coming. However, all the “extras” to transform The Roof into a Hollywood spectacle came with a cost. It cut down on the square footage; therefore, the 300-person occupancy had to be reduced so the roof didn’t collapse into the 12th floor. The Fire Marshall maxed the head count at 150 people. And that included Rooftop staff.
The situation was a PR nightmare for the hotel and event organizers. While maintenance removed couches, heat lamps, and anything that would create more room and less weight, the downstairs lounge and restaurant spun into chaos. They prepared for an overflow, not a tsunami. The army of Rooftop cocktail waitresses was cut down to three, and half the bar staff was sent home just so another dozen people could be let in. Looking over the ledge, the line was out the door and around the corner. Half the cast of the movie couldn’t get to the roof.
I was working the main bar with two other bartenders and a barback. It was a small, three-sided bar. We were four deep at every angle, plus service bar. To say we were slammed would be a gross understatement. It was an open bar, but we still had to ring in drinks on the computer for one ginormous production company bar tab, which included an automatic gratuity. Not having to deal with credit cards, tabs, and cash was glorious. We went into machine mode and pounded out endless cocktails.
But the clock was ticking. The machine was starting to smoke.
Customers complained that we short-poured or used cheap liquor instead of what they had asked for, claiming they could taste the difference, despite having watched us build the cocktail right in front of them. Some complained about our beer selection, and so it went. This type of customer abuse was typical for the service industry, but because it was a Hollywood event, the self-entitlement and condescension were next-level and relentless.
The crowd was a blend of young and young-ish Hollywood actors, Socialites, and Hipsters. Fleeting glances into the crowd allowed me to catch a glimpse of Gabriel Byrne and Julianna Margulies giving interviews, Paris Hilton flitting about, and Pam Anderson poised with a champagne flute in her hand, flanked by men desperately wanting to be seen with her. Every other face I served garnered the fleeting thought …Cool, that so and so, followed by, Wow, what a bitch, and God, he’s a dick.
The night was rapidly descending into hell. Then Satan herself arrived and wanted a double shot of chilled Grey Goose.
“I’m sorry, we’re not allowed to serve shots, let alone doubles, during the event.” I recognized her immediately. She was one of the girls on Charmed.
“Are you joking?” By the look on her face, even if I was joking, she wouldn’t have found it funny.
“Sorry, it’s one of the clauses in the Rider for the event. Whether it’s from the studio or the PR team, I don’t know. We were told no shots. So…?”
“I don’t give a shit about your excuses. Do you know who I am? Get me a double shot of Grey Goose. Chilled. Now.”
One of the other bartenders within earshot rolled his eyes. I had to fight not to roll mine, and instead, I smiled, “I could chill it and pour it into a martini glass and serve it to you that way.” It was a solution for both of us. With all the crazy and illegal shit that happened on The Roof, the hotel GM routinely scanned the security footage, especially after events. I wasn’t about to get fired because of this pint-sized chick. I attempted to explain that it would only look like a martini and not actually be one. It was about appearances for the camera over my shoulder, and she could still shoot it back.
“I didn’t ask for a martini. What the fuck is wrong with you? Put it in a rocks glass. Jesus. Do your fucking job.”
My interaction with her had already taken too long. She was choosing to be difficult, and I chose to be done with her. “You got it.” I filled a rocks glass with ice and poured in what would fit, which was about a shot and a half. I set it in front of her and tossed her a “Have a great night,” as I stabbed a sip straw into the ice and moved on to the next customer.
“What the fuck is this?”
My arms were already back in motion, making several cocktails simultaneously, but my stern gaze locked with hers. “It’s exactly what you wanted, it’s just in the process of chilling.”
I think it was the mix of contempt and gloating in my voice and the smirk on my face that set her off. She sucked up the vodka through the sip straw and then launched the ice at my face followed by the glass before vanishing into the crowd. Everyone froze, mouths agape, all eyes on me, waiting to see what I would do.
I seethed.
“At least she didn’t waste the Goose,” some guy joked. It broke the tension, but I still glared at him as I brushed water and ice chips off the front of my red tank top and Dickies skirt with my hands. “Too soon?”
“You okay?” one of the other bartenders asked. Her voice held concern but was void of shock. While it was the first time it happened to me, it wasn’t the first drink/glass/stack of napkins to be thrown at a Rooftop bartender.
I think I growled as a response. The glass missed my head, but a good amount of wet ice hit the side of my face and neck. My uniform drank in the beads of diluted vodka.
“I’ll tell security,” said our barback. He handed me a clean bar towel before dashing under the service bar counter flap.
I was livid, but we were too busy for me to walk it off. I had to stuff it down into the mix of all the other microaggressions I endured, pat myself dry, and do my fucking job.
And that’s when the kids from That ’70s Show showed up.
They gathered at the corner of the bar like a small pack. Topher, Danny, Laura, Ashton, with then girlfriend, Brittany Murphy, and Jeremy Sisto. The others in their group huddled behind them. The crowd breached, giving a few of them prime space at the bar counter. They were in good spirits, with positive energy, and all smiles.
All I could think was, Jesus, more fucking actors.
I accidentally made eye contact with Topher, which he interpreted as an opportunity to order drinks and launched into, “Hey! How ya doin’? Can I get a…what kind of beers you got?”
There were at least half a dozen people ahead of him, but nobody seemed to care, so I engaged. He then proceeded to order drinks. One. At. A. Time. For those of you who have never been in the service industry, it went something like this:
“I’ll take a Coors Lite.”
“What else?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Hang on.” He turned back to his friends.
*While he was figuring it out, I got and opened the beer.
“Can I get an Absolute and cranberry?”
“What else?”
“Uh, hang on…”
*I got to my well that I was sharing with the bartender working service, keeping my eyes on him, waiting for him to turn back and give the rest of the drink order. But he didn’t, and I stepped back to him.
As soon as the drink was in front of him, he said, “I need a Stoli and tonic.”
“What else?”
“One second…” Again, he turned to his friends.
*I felt everyone’s eyes on me, and the pressure building. Again, I stepped to the well to make the drink, hoping he’d turn back before I put the drink down in front of him. I could see that he was with a bunch of people and anticipated a decent-sized order. When I realized what was happening, I should have abandoned him. I should have incorporated other customers. But I didn’t. I got tunnel vision and was unable to veer off.
Topher turned back, referring to the Stoli tonic I had just put down, “Can I get another one of these?”
This is when it felt as if someone had flicked my forehead. “Are you kidding me with this one drink at a time shit right now?” I threw my hands up, exasperated. I looked Topher dead in the eyes and said, “You can memorize pages of dialogue and set directions, but you can’t remember a handful of cocktails?”
Topher was flabbergasted, as were his friends who were in earshot. The customers who flanked them were also flabbergasted, but amused because they were still waiting to order.
I made the drink and put it in front of him. “Get the rest of the order together and then come back.” As Topher stammered and muttered ‘Oh my God,’ I turned my attention to the young woman next to him, who then rapid-fired her list of cocktails. I looked at him, pointed at her, and said. “Like that. Just like that. Please.”
As Topher turned away, I heard Laura say, her voice very distinct, “What a bitch. Forget her.”
As Jeremy reached for the beer on the bar top, he leaned toward me and said in a Dad tone, as if reprimanding a child, “What is your problem? Jesus Christ, can’t you be nice?”
Without hesitation, I snapped, “Jesus Christ, can’t you make movies people want to see?”
Shock, insult, confusion, he looked as if I had stabbed him in the chest with a plastic fork before stepping back into the crowd. My next few customers followed protocol to a T.
“Hey, Kristine,” it was the voice of the bar manager from over my shoulder. He leaned across the service bar, “I heard what happened. You okay?” I turned to look at him and said nothing. “Okay! Let’s rotate you out of here. Go to the wine bar by the pool and send them here.”
I immediately left the main bar, marched through the crowd, and up the stairs to the far corner of the deck where the temporary bar was stationed. There were far fewer people and less noise. Everyone was downstairs because that’s where the celebrities were. In contrast, the deck was a completely different entity, a different vibe, a different generation. People mingled about or were paired off in conversations. No one was camped at the wine bar, and when I stepped behind it, the pressure and frustration fell away. I could finally breathe.
Later, Danny Masterson meandered onto the deck and approached the wine bar. I smiled, “Care for a glass of wine?”
Danny rattled the ice in what was left of what looked like a Stoli and tonic. “I’m good, thanks.” He looked around. “It’s quiet up here.”
“Yes, wine doesn’t have the same frenzied popularity as the harder spirits.” I had poured maybe five glasses of wine since stepping behind the bar.
He glanced at the crowd on the lower level. “Yeah, it’s little crazy down there. It’s not always like this, right?”
“Um, yeah. It kinda is just not as condensed or understaffed.” I briefly explained the occupancy issue. “But, it’s a beautiful night and you can’t beat the view.” Standing at only 12 stories, the hotel was surrounded by skyscrapers.
Danny glanced around at the neighboring buildings, illuminated office lights peppered their silhouettes, taking a moment to appreciate the view. “Are those people?”
I didn’t have to look. “Yup.” From the first day the hotel opened, day or night, The Roof was a white-collar voyeur’s wet dream. Celebrities, movie and TV filming, people having sex in the waterbed pods, women sunbathing or swimming naked, it was a wonder anyone in the surrounding offices got any work done. “I’ve seen a bunch with binoculars. We’re definitely in a fishbowl. Feel free to wave.”
“Wave?”
“Wave.” I faced the closest building and waved. Danny didn’t wave. “Seriously, wave with me.” I waved again, and this time he gave a shy wave.
Danny burst into laughter and pointed, “That dude over there waved back!”
“Told ya, fishbowl.” I paused, and then said, “Hey, um, I’m sorry I yelled at your friends earlier. I could have handled that better. Waaay better.” I didn’t go into details about what had happened minutes prior, or Topher’s poor bar etiquette.
Danny shrugged, “It’s not a big deal. We get yelled at all the time on set.”
“Be that as it may,” I mused, “it was a little psycho of me, and I feel bad. Topher didn’t deserve that.”
“I’m sure he’s over it, and you seem sane now,” he mused back with a smile.
“So, we’re chalking it up to temporary insanity?”
“That seems appropriate.” Danny took a sip of his drink and slipped his free hand into his pants pocket. “Can I…buy you a drink?”
I laughed, “Funny.”
He was confused, “Why is that funny?”
It took me a second to realize he was serious. “Um,” I said with a smile. “It’s an open bar. It’s free. I thought you were making a joke.”
“Oh!” He laughed at the irony of his intention. “Then…can I get you something from the other bar?”
“Are you offering to fight your way through that crowd to get me a beverage of my choice, and then fight your way all the way back here?” I put my hands over my heart and batted my eyes.
“If that’s what I gotta do, I’ll do it,” he said with a firm nod of his head.
He’s fucking adorable, I thought. “That’s sweet of you. Thank you. Unfortunately, we’re not allowed to drink during our shifts. Actually,” I said as if I had just realized it for the first time, “we’re not even allowed to come here on our off nights and drink.” It was a hotel rule. Unless we had permission from the MOD, we could get fired. And, if we were on the roof, we had better be in uniform.
“Understood, understood,” he said, his hand still in his pocket. “Can I…maybe on one of your nights off…buy you a drink at a place you don’t work?” He spoke slowly, choosing his words based on the limitations.
He was shy and confident at the same time. There was no ego, no expectations. He was cute, funny, and charming. Except for pouring a few glasses of wine for guests, it felt like we were already kind of on a mini date. I couldn’t help but smile, “Yeah. I’d like that.”
“Great. Can I get your number?”
“I’d love to give you my number, but I can’t.” This was before cell phones were attached to everyone’s hands, and getting a phone number in a bar required the person to physically write it down on a napkin. “Hotel policy. And more eyes are watching The Roof than the ones in the neighboring buildings.” I nodded my chin to the security camera in the corner.
“I see.” Danny turned to that camera and waved. “Do you want my number?”
“Yes, please,” and I handed Danny a pen.
He wrote his name and number on a napkin, then folded it in half. He hesitated. “Am I allowed to hand it to you, or do I put it down and walk away?”
He’s fucking adorable. I laughed, “You can hand it to me. I’ll put it in my tip bucket and take it out at the end of the night.”
“Cool.” Danny handed over the napkin.
I snuck a peek at it before dropping it into the bucket. It was his first name, his number, and a little smiley face.
Danny was about to say something when an exasperated Ashton appeared at the top of the steps. “Dude! We’ve been looking for you. We’re heading out.”
“Alright,” Danny said casually. “I’ll find you guys in a minute.” Ashton huffed and retreated down the stairs. He turned back to me, “I guess I’m leaving. It was nice meeting you.”
“It was nice to meet you, too. I’ll talk to you soon.”
He nodded with a slight smile, “Looking forward to it.”
I watched him walk down the stairs unhurriedly and disappear into the crowd of people. For the next thirty minutes, I stood there and smiled, mind wandering, until one of the bartenders appeared. My reprieve was over; I was getting rotated back into the mayhem.
As the celebrities began leaving, the crowd thinned dramatically. When the open bar closed at midnight and people suddenly had to pay, The Roof practically cleared out. Regular customers and the diehards who waited all night to get to The Roof finally arrived in one last rush. The place was trashed, and anybody worth seeing was long gone. Last call was a breeze, but the clean-up was daunting. With a reduced staff, it took longer to clean, take inventory, and restock.
One of the other bartenders was tasked with counting tips, which is not as fun as it may sound. Straightening bills, sorting them, calculating tip-outs, cashing in, and dividing is time-consuming and, at times, gross. I completely forgot about Danny’s number until I was handed a stack of cash.
“…There was a phone number on a napkin I actually wanted.”
“Yeah, there were a bunch of phone numbers. I put them in a pile as I went.” We looked over at the spotless, gleaming red Formica bar top. “I don’t know what happened to them. Probably got thrown out. Sorry.”
“Bummer,” I said, and went home. I never saw Danny in person again.
******************************************
*I’m sorry, Topher Grace.
*I’m sorry, Jeremy Sisto. I truly enjoyed May and your performance on Law & Order.


